Highway 95 Revisited

Recently, my husband and I took a car trip from Connecticut to Florida. He was the driver and I was the navigator - a job that gave me plenty of time to reflect upon the vagaries of travel with one's spouse and upon the nature of travel in general. Furthermore, I have discovered several basic tenets that may help some other hapless navigator. Read and learn:
1.) Now, I have always considered the belief that men don't ask for directions to be nothing more than a humor writer's device at best, or at worst, an unfair generalization. However, I have learned that, not only do men not ask for directions, they also do not take directions - even those directions offered freely, willingly, lovingly, and with the best intentions from his wife/navigator.
2.) Two people, having partaken of sustenance at the same time, traveling at the same rate of speed, in the same vehicle, will never, I repeat, never need to use the bathroom at the same rest stop. It must be a sex thang.
3.) The concept of comfortable bucket seats takes on a whole new meaning after the first 200 miles. And yes, it is possible for one buttock to fall asleep.
4.) All interstate highways have black holes that suck up belongings that the travelers are sure they packed. They never suck up car trash or the soda spilled on the back seat.
5.) If your spouse has been driving for eight hours straight through heavy traffic and is hunched over the steering wheel with that vein throbbing in his temple and while he is doing this, he tells you that after careful consideration, he's decided that George Bush is really a sane and rational human being who has been harshly misjudged by the American public, it's OK to say you couldn't agree with him more.
6.) The importance of trivial details such as who forgot to pack the toothpaste increases proportionately in relation to the length of the trip.
7.) If, when driving on the interstate (a place fraught with curious tourists and children), you're struck with the sudden urge to get romantic, it's probably better to use the motel and not the transportation vehicle. Just take my word for it.
8.) Even scenic little hamlets lose their charm when they have no gas stations open.
9.) Women, when checking into a motel, first inspect the cleanliness of the bathroom, the amenities and the decor. My husband, immediately upon entering said room, hones in on the clicker and checks out what's on TV. He'll sleep on the floor as long as the motel has cable.*
10.) If you are traveling with a trailer and your husband thinks he can back it up around that little round driveway in front of the motel, quickly disabuse him of this notion.
11.) If, when staying at a motel, you happen to see your next-door neighbors carrying out a television set and it's two in the morning, and they're loading it into the trunk of their car, odds are it's not theirs. However, considering the proliferation of guns and bad temper in the U.S. these days, it most likely would not be a good idea to run out there and say, "Don't take that TV. Stealing is wrong!" No, no my dear. Shooting a nosy hotel neighbor is wrong. Stealing, in this case, is merely none of our business.
12.) Yes, the hotel management really does expect two people to dry themselves after a shower with those two little white dishtowels.
13.) In my opinion, "Continental Breakfast" is stretching the definition of breakfast a little too far. I'm just saying.
14.) Road signs are often deceptive. For example, the sign that portrays what I always thought meant "curves ahead", according to my husband, means "go faster". Ditto the signs for "yield", "merge", and "deer crossing".
15.) "Scenic Routes" often have more route than scenic.
16.) Finally, as you drive along America's highways battling traffic, swearing at other, less skillful drivers, and searching, with legs crossed, for a clean restroom, remember - this is your vacation - relax, have fun, and reconsider the benefits of air travel.

*This makes one wonder - are men genetically predisposed to have the ability to not only find, but keep control of the clicker? A sort of electrical survival of the fittest akin to dogs being able to sniff out other dog's shit to roll in? I predict that this clicker ability will become more dominant and more finely honed with each generation.