How to be a Charge Nurse

I wrote this while working at a hospital in Florida where the charge nurse had a lot more responsibility. But a lot of it is still pertinent, so here it is.

#1. Make out patient assignments - Do not spend a lot of time on this.No matter what you do, there will always be a better way to do it and someone will be sure to tell you what that way is.
#2. Keep staff awake - Remember, no TV. No videos. No cards. No games. No magazines. That leaves telling embarrassing stories about your sex lives.
#3. Assess staffing needs and cancel someone if neccessary - Don't spend a lot of time on this either. No matter what you do, you'll have called: A) too early B) too late C) the wrong person.
#4. Delegate unit duties as neccessary and appropriate - Get real - no one listens to the charge nurse.
#5. Be a link between the unit manager and the rest of the staff - Staff members should be able to come to you with work-related problems that you can then pass on to the unit manager at which point she A) won't believe you. B) decide that you are the root cause of the problem.
#6. Keep abreast of all unit activities - The charge nurse is always the last to know.
#7. Grow big shoulders and a thick skin - The charge nurse's main duty is to be there to blame when something goes wrong.
#8. If something should go wrong, assess what caused the problem and
how it can be prevented in the future - ie, blame it on A) the night shift. B) the day shift.
#9. Maintain open communication with other hospital employees - This is a good concept, but in reality, when you, for instance, speak to another unit st 9PM and say, "Call us if you need any help", by 9AM, you will be reported as saying "We'll work in hell before we help you." Go figure.
#10. Report incidents, when neccessary, to the unit manager - Let's see, in what country did they say "Kill the messenger"?
#11. On second thought, do not speak to anyone about anything - If you give your fellow workers advice or directions, you're being mean or bossy. If you look the other way when they, for example, leave their labor patient to go shopping, you're ineffective. If you work faster to help everyone when it's busy, you lose your cool under pressure. If you disagree with someone, you have a personality problem. If you write someone up, you're picking on her. If you meet with the unit manager to discuss your shift, you're brown-nosing. If you don't meet with the unit manager, you're not sticking up for your shift. If everyone loves you, you're too soft. And remember, at the end of the day, it's all your fault.